Do Not Interact: People Who Say "Do Not Interact"

I first saw ‘dni’-type lists pop up on Tumblr around the end of 2016, but it probably started a bit earlier than that. I remember when people would put ‘read my links byf’ on their promo posts (back before we had pinned posts and you could only view a person’s blog via their actual HTML page theme). I remember making my first one. In fact, the archive of one of my old blogs still has my old one up, in which a 15 year old me lists all of his triggers plainly and openly for all to see.

I don’t remember seeing DNIs quite so widespread until the past couple of years, but over time they went from "BYF (before you follow)s" - “a way to display information people might need to know before interacting with you” (for example, maybe that you don’t often get social cues and need a bit of help with that, or maybe that you work a lot so might reply a bit late) to “a way to display your stances on discourse-related topics”, to what they are now, which is… basically a list of every group said individual hates, oftentimes including phrases of wishing violence against those groups. And some of these groups definitely deserve hatred, but seeing ‘racist/transphobe/homophobe’ and ‘fan of [fictional ship between adults that has a slight age gap]’ listed on the same page as if violent bigotry and enjoying a tv show are equally bad is very odd to me. This nonchalant comparison, whether intentional or not, says a lot to me about how many individuals view activism.

Also: they don't Work. But I think most people with DNI pages do know that. It's not about usefulness, or explaining boundaries---oftentimes it is not about bigotry at all, not at the core, not really. It's about Looking Unproblematic. It's performative.

Yay: I stand in solidarity with trans people, including and especially transgender women. Yay: I will always support the transgender community unconditionally. Maybe not yay: a page where you beg transphobes to not interact with you & liken disagreements over fiction to real world atrocities and prejudices that cause genuine life-destroying harm.

These days, most social media has a block button that is extremely easy to utilize. I think most app distributors require a blocking feature in order to have social media apps listed. You Can Just Block People. You can also report them if they break the sites TOS.

But on here... I have seen an increasing amount of DNI pages posted to websites on Neocities, and I honestly think that having them kind of… misses the point of having your own personal website, in a way.

Tumblr and Twitter are cesspools of drama. But not only that, they are also full of phenomenons very concerning and upsetting, such as rampant racism, ableism, and transmisogyny that is encouraged by not only the userbase but also the staff of the websites themselves. And what is done about it? What is done to help the trans women who have been banned from Tumblr, removing their entire platforms which many used to sustain themselves financially? What is done to help the Black individuals who were banned from that site and labelled terrorists for discussing Black life? What do we have to say to all of that? A lot of people make meaningful commentary and keep the memory fresh, some donate and help, and that is wonderful and I do not intend to downplay or not acknowledge that--yet I still feel that not enough people fit that category, and the racism and transphobia can frequently drown it out. So what is the overwhelming response to these things, even when they are widespread across my Tumblr dash and everyone is talking about them---what do most of the people talking about it have to say? Pretty much just "Friendly reminder my blog is not a safe space for TERFs." And like, it shouldn't be. But that cannot be all that you do. You have to make your presence safe for marginalized individuals by showing up for them, welcoming helping and supporting them when they struggle. It's a good sentiment, but it cannot stop there. On Neocities, a place for hosting personal websites, I think it would be much more efficient to create a page listing what you do support and why, and phrase that positively. When all the focus is on a reminder that the Bad People exist, it can be kind of depressing; "Hey, did you know people out there want you dead? I'd like to ask them to not view my page!!" vs. "I will always support queer people, disabled people, people of color etc. no matter what." is a big difference, I think.

Also... Neocities isn't focused on interpersonal interaction. It's a great option to have the social media aspect, but it's optional - the focus is on individual personal sites. Even if you use the social media aspect frequently, there's a great "block site" button you can use for bigots and harmful people.

And, honestly, those people probably aren’t even going to read your DNI page/section. I know it sucks that we can’t do much else to rid the small web of bigots—I’m reminded of a certain webring with a queerphobia requirement that I very much loathe—-but, unless there’s content that violates the Neocities terms of service, there’s not much else you can do. But you know what you can do? Block them and donate to a Black trans woman's transition fund, even a few dollars helps. Block them and check up on your transfem friend and ask her if she wants to hang out or if she needs anything. Block them, then go read about how you can be more caring to the disabled & create a more accessible environment, either IRL or online. At least do something. Please do something.

(An aside: I’m on Neocities because I want a place to put my eccentricities without fear of being told I’m an embarrassment, or I’m in the wrong for doing something harmless, or I’m cringe for not going to the club, or I’m a bad person because I think my 21 year old OC and 47 year old OC should kiss a little. DNI pages that go past bigotry & real life harm can foster an environment similar to mainstream social media, where there are "in-groups" and where people who are genuinely different from the norm get ostracized).

Neocities is a network of mostly unrelated independent personal websites with an optional social feed that is mainly used for website updates. People use their sites for all sorts of things, and Yes, you CAN put whatever you want on your site - that’s the point - but in the personal website sphere, I just have to ask: if you’re spending your time here coding "don't look at me" pages rather than focusing on independence, creativity, passion, supporting marginalized individuals, and so on and so forth - is Neocities really the right website for you? Maybe you’d prefer Carrd instead.